How many times I have listened to my Blue Lotus Meditation CD, and heard Bhante Sujatha talk about control and letting go. Yet it wasn’t until last night that I finally think I got it.
I see now how the desire to control things invades almost every minute of my day.
I have always hated change, and wrote it off as saying it was part of me being a Taurus.
But I see now that the reason I don’t want any furniture moved etc is because I want to control. Just as I always have to be the one to drives the car. It’s not because I am a better driver (Lydia is actually a really good driver), it’s because I have to be in control.
I could go on and on about things that disturb and upset me if they are not the way I want them.
But now I see that what I really do not have control of, is me!
My desire to control things is the cause of my suffering. And why do I want to control things? Because it makes me feel safe.
What an illusion I have created for myself! And how much suffering I bring upon myself.
Trying to be safe and in control only keeps me from being joyful and happy and completely awake to every moment.
I am so happy to see this now. And so happy to make this part of my practice.
May you be well, happy and peaceful.
