You hurt my feelings!

Has anyone ever hurt your feelings? Of course they have. Do you get your feelings hurt almost daily by someone? I’ll bet you do.
Are you picturing a recent one in your mind right now? I think you are.
Now go ahead and tell me the story. Is that making it better when you run through the story in your mind? How about if you call a friend on the phone and tell them the story. Ah, that will make you feel better right?
Guess what, it doesn’t. You just made that person suffer by telling them. And your suffering has not gone away. You are still sad and hurt. But you probably think it did help a little by talking it out, right?
Wrong! Your “story” is your attachment to this suffering. My “stories” are my attachment to suffering.
The Bhikkuni, Venerable Madika, taught me about this in the Disturbing Emotions workshop. She basically said “shut up and get over it!”. I’m paraphrasing of course.
But since I see myself continuing to fall into this trap of putting a story with my suffering, I felt the need to look at it more closely.
I think the story comes from the ego and idea of self. By putting a story with your pain, you falsely believe you have given your self more value and importance. You have now become the good person in your story, and the other person is the bad one. Right?
Sorry, but I’m not the good one and you’re not the bad one. There is no good one or bad one. But I know that seems very hard to swallow. I’m sure we can all picture someone in our mind that is horribly nasty and mean.
But we need to let that go. They are a human being just like you.
So now you are thinking, yes but they are not a kind and compassionate Buddhist like me! Why don’t they get it? Why don’t they see things with “Right View” like I do?
Well I hope you are laughing out loud right now like I am. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?
If I have judgment, attachment, and focus on the self, I have anything but Right View. And I am certainly not practicing Right Action, Right Mindfulness, Right Speech, Right Intention or Right Effort.
Holy crap, my “story” has put me so far off the path that I need a GPS to get back!

So please think about these words that Venerable Madika taught me. I know that I sure am.
And don’t forget to “Shut up, and get over it”. ;-)

May you be well, happy and peaceful.

1 comment for “You hurt my feelings!

  1. Pam Larson
    Tuesday, December 14, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I just tackled this one quite unexpectedly in the last few days. It was quite a challenge, but you know what? I have made great strides in this area. I don’t even realize how much I learn until I am in a situation to put it to good use!
    Just like Bhante Sujatha says, the practice is every day life, when you have to deal with the simple stuff.
    I wimped out on coming to the workshop because of the weather. I would have loved it, I’m sure. :-)

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