Who of us have not lost a friend or a loved one unexpectedly. The shock of it can stir a multitude of emotions, from sadness to fear and loathing. While losing a loved one to death is so difficult, sometimes the loss of the living can feel more unbearable. There is no closure, no understanding or explanation, only the emptiness that has been created by their absence. That, along with a million unanswered questions – why, where, how are they doing, are they alright?
How very clearly I have come to see that attachment is the root of our suffering. Yet I am often reminded that detachment is easier said than done. To love someone equally strong whether they are alive, dead, with you or without you, is the intention of my practice. And the reason for this is my own liberation. The end of samsara and delusion (moha).
“The source of all unwholesome kamma is ignorance of moha. When the vail of moha is lifted, one sees clearly that craving is the source of all sorrows. Craving gives rise to jealousy, envy, covetousness, avarice, greed — all enemies of mudita (unselfish joy).”
None of us are in charge or responsible for others, only for the self. With a loving heart and mind that holds no expectations we truly do become liberated and at peace. But so easily we create the stories that quickly spin out of control and only serve to reinforce our unskillful behavior, which keeps us cycling through highs and lows of happy and sad. And this is why we do not have good day after good day. Not even moment by moment are we satisfied with our lives if we are honest about it.
I see the solution to escaping this vicious circle beginning with increasing our mindful awareness. Watching our thoughts arise, and seeing if they are delusional and fabricated, or if they are wholesome and skillful. With gentleness, we each can re-train our minds to let go of the stories and most importantly our own ego. That which compels us to constantly think that every thing, every situation, is about us.
Each moment, a new being is born into this World. While at the same moment a loved one leaves it. Why not be grateful for both. Why not see clearly and understand the realities and the nature of this existence.
Doesn’t that sound a lot more peaceful and loving to you?
May you be well, happy and peaceful.