So I would like to start by giving you the reason for this first. EXPECTATION!
Let’s start by looking at marriages, committed relationships.
I think that the whole idea of commitment carries with it a certain amount of expectation. And this can seem very difficult in Buddhist practice. For example, how does one let go of desire for their partner ? And, are we supposed to let go of that?
Well, I would like to share a personal example that I observed with myself today.
My Wife is looking exceptionally pretty today (she usually does), and I went up to her and gave her a squeeze and a kiss. It was warm, exciting and wonderful.
As I was walking away, mindfulness kicked in. (I’m learning to love when that happens)
And I realized that there are times when we get angry with each other, and the feelings that arise are very different from these.
I thought to myself, how can this be? She is the same person, always beautiful, and I always have love for her. How does this feeling change so drastically?
The conclusion I came to, is that it’s my expectation. The good feelings are so good, that I cling to them. I create desire in my mind to stay in that place.
But I can no sooner stay in that place then a surfer can stay on top of a huge wave. The wave can carry you to heights of ecstasy, but will also send you crashing down into the ocean. This is the nature of the ocean and the nature of our existence. The ebb and flow, Yin and Yang, or better yet non-dualism as taught by the Buddha.
A surfer does not stop surfing because of this. He or she embraces this as part of the joy of surfing. They never delude themselves into thinking they can control the ocean.
This too is how I believe we should all try to see relationships.
Whether it’s a Family member, a friend or a spouse, they are all subject to this same nature.
Perhaps we can all learn to be like the surfers, and simply be happy for all of it! See that we are not in fact separate from the ocean. Nor are we separate from each other.
Let go of the expectations, and you let go of the desire. Now we can just simply love one another.
No good or bad, high or low, just the nature of all things. Change is the only thing that stays the same. Embrace it!
May you be well, happy and peaceful
