I am often times completely shocked by my own words and actions. The lack of mindfulness that I posses, and the gigantic ego I demonstrate are not those of a good student.
I meditate, I study the Dhamma (Sanskrit; Dharma), I write this blog almost daily, and I do my best to be mindful at all times. Yet with all of this, I sometimes think I have learned nothing at all.
Since I have recently looked at and talked about the three poisons, I can see that ignorance is the culprit here.
Seeing that I lack in humility quite often, tells that me this is where I need to look. And I am obviously ignorant in my words and actions, or I would be much more humble. I am often bias in my opinions and judgments of others. No, I am actually almost always bias and judgmental of others.
I see this as my deep attachment to self. I cling to this idea, which causes me to need validation and increase my own valuation. This idea of “look what I did”, or “look how good I am” is deeply disturbing to me. This is clearly not the cultivation of loving kindness and compassion. This is an elevation of self, and a continuation of the endless cycle of suffering. Ignorance. Poison.
I often wish I had a teacher who would slap me around a little, and put me in line. But instead I have a teacher that is a Bodhisatta, so enlightened, that he only shows me love and acceptance. He teaches me only by example, never by dictating directions or speaking harsh words.
When I tell him how I stumble, he always says “that’s OK David, you are good”. And when he speaks to me like this, I just want to cry. He humbles me in how he shows his compassion and gentleness.
I become instantly aware that I am sitting with someone who has Parami, the ten perfections. (I encourage you to click the link and read about these)
I see that the way he loves me is not unlike the love I spoke about from my Mom. A truly unconditional love that never judges, criticizes or condemns. And just like I learned so much from my Mom and her gentle nature, I learn so much now from my Teacher.
Buddha taught that by developing right vision, man should proceed to right speech. Buddha declared that only right thoughts can lead to right speech. The tongue has not been given to man to pamper the palate with delicious sweets. It is not given for talking as one likes. It is not to be used for causing displeasure to others. Nor is it to be used for indulging in falsehood. The tongue has been given to man to speak the truth, to be sweet to others, to praise the truth and enjoy the bliss derived from such right speech.
So I suppose I must be my own disciplinarian here. I have to catch myself, slap myself (gently), and get back on track.
My words and actions should only be kind and compassionate without judgment or pride.
I am no better or smarter or more loving than you are. We are all human beings with thoughts, feelings and struggles.
May I be more aware of this truth today, and more mindful in my words and actions.
I wish you each peace and joy in your lives. May we all accept each other and act with loving kindness.
May you all be well, happy and peaceful.