Managing your expectations

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expectations

Expectations, are they ever a good thing?

I have come to see that expectations are a dominant force in our daily lives, and something that can cause each of us a great deal of disappointment. Yet the idea of living a life free of any and all expectations seems beyond that which is achievable by mere mortals. From small and mindless expectations like waking up in the morning, to great expectations like having a financially secure future. And with thousands more expectations in our day-to-day lives, we also are constantly setting ourselves up for disappointment and disillusionment. And certainly the prospects of a bright, healthy and secure future gives most of us a sense of safety and comfort. While the truth is that we have no guarantees of anything in this life, including life itself. Just because one works hard and lives a life of honesty and integrity does not insure even one day of joy. Sickness, suffering, decay and disappointment are sure to find you regardless of your ethics. So which expectation proved to be conducive to finding peace in your life?

Carrying around this burden of pollutants is a heavy load to bear. And I can remember Bhante Sujatha saying to me years ago “empty empty, happy happy”, and not really understanding what he meant. Empty meaning the elimination of all these sources of dissatisfaction. And as we let go, or eliminate these poisons, our load becomes much lighter. We are freer, lighter and more peaceful the less that we carry. The burden of these mental and physical delusions fall away little by little and we begin to see that less is truly more. Call it the abundance of nothingness.

While all of this may sound a bit unrealistic to some of you, I can assure you that it is very attainable through practice. And this is why meditation is such a powerful foundation for growth and understanding. As we sit in meditation, we have a rich opportunity to observe our physical bodies and our minds. And it quickly becomes evident that each moment passes quickly with no way to observe the last one or the next. This present awareness is the foundation for letting go. Becoming empty of the past and future, letting go of desires and clinging, and having no expectations of that space. That breath, that space, simply is what it is.
And the fruits of our meditation become quickly evident in the observation of our mind and bodies state of ease and calm. The more we let go, the more that we gain. This is truly love of another kind. Boundless and bright love with an unconditional acceptance and lightness that you brought about through the observance of this moment. How wonderful!

I suggest that each of us practice our loving kindness and compassion in a way that expects less and offers more. More of ourselves being fully present and aware of everything that is contained in this moment, with a full realization that, like all things, it too is impermanent.

May you be well, happy and peaceful.

  • b fleming

    I like using aspirations or intentions instead of expectations because those words imply the focus and effortful activity without the “expectation” of a particular result valued above all others.

  • j123

    Yes, emptying our minds of sources of dissatisfaction is one of many benefits of our practice. I also agree with b flemming that aspirations or intentions create much less suffering than expectations. Or, as Garab Dorje said, “Don’t follow past thoughts, don’t anticipate the future, and don’t follow illusory thoughts that arise in the present; but turning within, observe your own true nature and maintain awareness of your natural mind, just as it is, beyond the conceptual limitations of past present, and future.

  • jekail

    Expectations can be desired goals where, we believe, there are no obstacles between us and the goals.  Carrying around these expectations, keeps us happy, but in an unrealistic, delusional way.  But to complicate things, we can also have expectations of a negative nature.  Ask anyone and they will say that they have expectations that they will die.  The only obstacle between us and this end state is life.  An obstacle we want to keep!

  • jekail

    I think expectations occur when we invent desired, positive goals and we believe there are no obstacles between us and theses goals.  Carrying these expectations around can keep us in a happy state, but this attitude ignores chance and impermanence.  It’s unrealistic and delusional.  A wiser attitude is to have expectations, but this time, expectations of the obstacles themselves.   It is more realistic to believe that there is always a chance for the obstacle to appear, or, in other words, there are no obstacles to the obstacles.   Death is one of these obstacles and life the positive goal.

  • b fleming

    We may be having difficulty with definitions here, but for me, expectations focus on a desired result.  Life is no less of an attachment that attachment to a house or car or partner.  Attachments are things coming together and getting stuck for a period of time.  Buddha himself said that all conditioned things, including me, are impermanent.  Life itself will end regardless of my “expectations” to the contrary. Cultivating right intention, right aspiration, compassion, generosity and kindness in a state of awareness, free of attachment or aversion is what i see as a life lived well and fully, one moment at a time.  I certainly plan ahead, but I do so knowing that the future I project may never come.  Life is fragile, not to be taken for granted but not to be held too tightly either.  All life passes.

  • Jim Schuessler

    I didn’t understand  “empty empty, happy happy” either when I first heard it. I felt as if I was supposed to have expectations, wants in life. It was really a big part of my view. After a little bit of  time with the teachings, meditation, it sure is a lot easier. I certainly haven’t eliminated all wants, desires, but at least I am usually aware enough to be able to look at them. To me that makes a big difference. Keep practicing.

    • WHPDave

      Jim Schuessler Well put Jim, thanks for sharing that!