Yes, you have offended me without any justification. I have done nothing at all wrong, and you have no right to treat me this way. Now I have such strong ill-will towards you and so many disturbing emotions. And I completely blame you for all of this!
So does this sound like something you have experienced in your life? I think most of us can relate.
The Buddha taught about byapada (ill will) and kodha (anger) in many suttas. One such sutta that is well worth the read if you have time, is the Vatthupama Sutta: The Simile of the Cloth. But there are many others that address these unskilful behaviors, typically referred to as defilement’s. Personally, I like the word defilement because it illuminates how we are corrupted in our thinking and need an antidote to these things. And I have the antidote is not just in the teachings, but in living the teachings. Call it dhamma in action!
One such teaching that has been so helpful for me is sati-sampajañña. Sati-sampajañña, as I have mentioned before, is mindfulness with clear comprehension and understanding. An example being in how we can observe our own anger or disturbing emotions. It’s not enough to simply be aware that you are angry or have ill will. Sati-sampajañña means having a much deeper and clearer view of the cause and effect of these emotions. Seeing the desire to control others, the attachment, the expectations you may have. Then gently you may begin to see the root cause of your dissatisfaction and remove the delusions you have created. You found the antidote!
While I am not free of giving rise to such defilements myself yet, I clearly see that the frequency with which they occur has diminished tremendously. And when such things do arise now, it is sati-sampajañña that cures these ills. Acceptance. Acceptance of people, nature, the diverse character of human beings and culture. Like a bee who gathers nectar from a flower, if I am stung by that bee I will have no animosity towards it.
I see that acceptance is a gift to the self as much as it is towards all others. Acceptance is the cultivating force of gratitude and loving kindness.
I hope you will offer yourself this gift today, this antidote to your difficulties. Smile to yourself and be grateful for this life. The love you have for yourself, for others, for all living beings. How wonderful this day.
May you be well, happy and peaceful.