This has come into question recently, and due mostly to my own awareness of what feels like failure.
And please understand that this is me questioning my practice, no one else.
I have read and studied the dhamma so much, and meditate daily. I also attend weekly meditation at least once a week and sometimes twice. In addition, I write this Blog almost every day, and share what I am learning but also use this format as a study reference for myself.
In addition to all of that, I have attended numerous workshops on loving kindness (metta) and disturbing emotions.
So one would think, David must really be a great Buddhist and very evolved on his path. Some might even think I have gained a lot wisdom through my studies and research.
But as Bhante Sanyatha discussed in a recent dhamma talk, the books and cushions and meditation are not the reality. These are all very useful tools, but this life that we live every moment is truly the path (dhamma).
And in this truth, lies my dissatisfaction and frustration.
So I am asking myself, what good is meditation and reading if one does not walk the walk?
I have even questioned whether or not I should stop writing this Blog. Am I in fact being that disingenuous person that I have spoken about several times recently?
I suppose, if I could, I would go be a forest Monk for a while. Where I could be in solitude, and simply deal with the self. I could spend all of my time devoted to observing this rising and falling of thoughts, emotions, doubts and fears.
But again, this is not reality is it. This is “wishing” for a life that is different from what I have. And again I see that this only gives rise to more dukkha.
Perhaps I have dug so deeply that I unearthed some ugly truths about the self.
But now I have a choice to make. Keep digging and discovering the truth, or walk away and cover it back up.
For today, I see this realization as an opportunity. A gift that the Buddha’s teachings have offered me.
I see that self discovery, and the letting go of the self, will not be a walk in the park. I see that as much as we all wish to be happy, that there is also much work to be done and much of it means getting my hands dirty.
I also encourage you to question, critique and challenge me always. And I hope you can see that I am clearly the student and not anyone’s teacher.
Budu saranai
And may you be well, happy and peaceful.
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WHPDave
moderator
ParkRidgeDDS You are not out of your league at all Claudia. We are all in the same league!
Thanks so much for your thoughts.
MikeWright
David - I remember reading at one point that one of the key points in mindfulness practice is the moment when you realize your mind has wandered, and bring it back to the object of meditation. The moment of realization is, in a way, the whole trick. Recognition of the loss of concentration is a key step to regaining it. If you see yourself not 'walking the walk', isn't that recognition in and of itself a positive step?
WHPDave
moderator
MikeWright What a wonderful way to view "monkey mind" MikeWright . Thanks for your comment.
DianeBrodson
Thanks to the best IT Manager in Illinois (Mike Driskell), I can now read the comments! Hallelujah. Of course, my lunch hour is over, so I have to work - catch you all later. David, I have found Professor Tod to be an excellent resource - you can't go wrong listening to him!
WHPDave
moderator
DianeBrodson So glad to hear it DianeBrodson ! Say thanks to Mike for me too.
I hope you will comment more when you have time.
TodNielsen
DianeBrodson
I don't know about that...
TodNielsen
David – You’ve become ensnared in one of the Five Hindrances – doubt. That’s all. For me, the best antidote to doubt is to reflect on the qualities of the Buddha. He wasn’t some god sent to save us. No, he was a human being – just like you, me, and everyone else. But he found perpetual happiness. So can we. And most importantly, he told us how he did it, and how we can do the same thing. Morality, mindfulness, and wisdom.
Of course, it took him many lifetimes. One of the liberating aspects of the Dharma is the idea that “our” consciousness stretches back in limitless time. Every little action or thought that we have influences that consciousness. So simply start purifying that consciousness here and now. Follow the Eight Part Path to the best of your ability. It’s as simple as that. Eventually, you too will find perpetual happiness.
WHPDave
moderator
TodNielsen I found this TodNielsen from Bhikkhu Bodhi, and wonder what you think.
"Purification of mind as understood in the Buddha's teaching is the sustained endeavor to cleanse the mind of defilements, those dark unwholesome mental forces which run beneath the surface stream of consciousness vitiating our thinking, values, attitudes, and actions. The chief among the defilements are the three that the Buddha has termed the "roots of evil" — greed, hatred, and delusion — from which emerge their numerous offshoots and variants: anger and cruelty, avarice and envy, conceit and arrogance, hypocrisy and vanity, the multitude of erroneous views."
I see "sustained endeavor" as the key here.
TodNielsen
WHPDave
I think of it as expressed by the Buddha (as one of the steps in the Eight Part Path), viz., "Right Effort:'
1: Discard the stupid, unskillful, unwholesome, harmful thoughts that have arisen.
2: Train your mind so that stupid...harmful thoughts never arise.
3: Foster the smart, skillful, wholesome, helpful thoughts that have arisen.
4:Train your mind so that only smart...helpful thoughts arise.
Of course, “easy to say, hard to do.” And sometimes it’s difficult to tell a skillful thought from an unskillful thought. That’s where Wisdom comes in...
WHPDave
moderator
TodNielsen Perhaps therein lies the rub Tod. I see wisdom as coming from experience. And experience is comprised of both skillful and unskillful thoughts and actions.
Wouldn't you agree TodNielsen ?
TodNielsen
WHPDave Yes, some wisdom comes from our experiences and self-examination, some is simply common sense, and some comes from what we're told. But I'm lazy. I go to the Dharma. A little reflection on the "Three Roots of Evil" (aka, the "Three Poisons") (as mentioned by Bhikkhu Bodhi above) goes a long way - they account for all the defilements. Listen to those who have gone before, and apply their wisdom to your own life.
WHPDave
moderator
TodNielsen The more I think about this Tod, it seems that wise people can share knowledge, but never wisdom. This is only arrived at through practice and experience. (Just my humble 2 cents)
I seem to be a little out of my league here commenting but I just wanted to say that it seems that there might be a third choice...and that is to keep living the life of kindness and compassion that you live and don't create so much stress and suffering with "digging and discovering". If you live the life of compassion and loving kindness, you will be present to the "answers". I think if you try too hard in your quest, you might actually miss the moment's beauty and the answers that lie within that experience and beauty.
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