Why do you have a guilty conscience?
Oh, you say you don’t? C’mon, take an honest look at yourself. Aren’t you constantly motivated to do good things because of the guilt you have from previous actions in your life? Or do you think that it is genuine, and you are gaining some type of redemption?
Perhaps you aren’t motivated to do good right now. But I think that is only guilt turned inwards, which becomes anger and hostility.
I could be very wrong, but I think that most of us operate this way without even realizing it. I know I do.
Now we can pretend to have loving kindness, which is like putting a bag over your head so you don’t have to see. Or, you can just stick your head in the sand and choose not to look at any of this at all.
But the truth is, this will never go away until we learn to forgive ourselves. Honestly and completely, without judgment or reservation. But, but, but, you are saying. Except there are no “buts” about this.
Think of the many years you have suffered because of your guilt. Has it gotten any better, or gone away? I would bet that, like me, it has not.
I cannot go back in time, nor can you. We cannot change the past or undo our wrongs. We cannot do some magical deed that erases these from our mind.
There is only one way to eliminate this suffering. Forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself, love yourself.
Only then, can one be fully present and be truly kind and compassionate. Let go of your suitcase full of Dukkha. You have carried it far too long. I know I have carried mine so many miles!
I think this is a very important part of Right Mindfulness.
So go ahead and just skim over this if you choose. I know it may make some of you uncomfortable.
For me, I don’t want to be comfortable. I want to examine myself. When I meditate, that is the time for me to be comfortable. Now is the time to be present and mindful, examine and question.
And although I may not find the answers right away, I will stay awake and see these things as they arise. At least I will try (Right Effort).
May you each be well, happy, peaceful and AWAKE!